So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
