Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The uberlube is also flammable
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
