so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
