Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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