Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
