Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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