i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just high enough for therapy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
