JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
