i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Randomize
