i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
