I wanna passion pit in your ass
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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