WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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