roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
