We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
