how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
