Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
