Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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