We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
50% drunk capacity currently
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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