Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Mom said you looked used
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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