i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
