im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i drank out of a bidet.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
