you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
