gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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