it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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