I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
