i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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