is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You ruined the universe
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
