right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need to calm my uterus...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
