I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
