well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
