What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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