My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
