Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
