you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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