my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
