Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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