We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this just has baby written all over it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
