What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
