You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
