But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
