My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
