Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
