Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
