It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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