I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
