just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
