She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
