Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
