when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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