I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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