No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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