I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
