I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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