My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
