8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
