i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
