How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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