I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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