420 ftw
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
