I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
