I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My vagina just clenched in fear
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
