I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
