he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
