My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
