Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
