My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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