I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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