my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
