Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
