My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
