I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize