Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
