Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
