yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
