Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
