Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
