took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
